"I Have Died A Thousand Lives"
This week I realized that "I Have Died A Thousand Lives." I was in my early twenties when I first realized that there were many people that wanted me dead. There is no feeling like hear the flatline sound and ask for the time to have the time of death. However, that was not the first time. I was in England the first time it sank in that I had passed away and been revived. We had not even left the United States when I found out the plan was for me to be dead. I simply do not know where to start is the problem. So, I think I will start after the operation that led to my needing to be revived in England. The operation was a success and that was the problem. I had been disemboweled and had my intestines put back into my body. I had bled to death. The reality of my bleeding to death never really set in. I was back home and the annual "Turkey Day Football Game" was a foot. I am just not sure if I am "Darren Dwayne Frazier", "31", "85", "D" or "Sport." What I am able to tell you is that we had already played Rugby in Australia. I was playing for Scotland, and the game was harsh and demanding. The point of my explaining this is during the rugby match there was an open field tackle that shattered and ripped a players jaw. The phrase used after that was "Smash Mouth Football." I paid for all the operations the guy received after the horrific thing that happened. Prince Charles said it was the least that could be done. I was not a hundred percent healed when the tackle happened and wasn't quite sure how it happened. I think he dropped a shoulder to take the hit. That is not the point of the story though in the months that followed I continued to heal. I was told by the Scottish players I was going to be reinjured. I laughed "I wasn't injured I was shot."
We were at our rival Junior High School Selvidge Ballwin, Missouri, USA. A game of pickup holiday football. "What are you doing here?" "I heard you guys were playing football today." "Yah, Frazier were playing "Smash Mouth Football."" "I thought you were dead." "You couldn't get that lucky." Five or ten minutes later two guys we didn't know wanted to play. We later found out it was Brian Bosworth and Bo Jackson. Ok, it took all of two minutes to figure it out. Things were getting strange. "This is not ok." "Cody what's wrong?" We were talking it over when "Holly Shit" it was Herschel Walker. "I am going to try and help." He's dressed for thanksgiving dinner but says he will play if he can get some clothes. Just when I thought that I had it made. Here comes "Smooth." Smooth is Marcus Allen. "OJ said take care of him. I'll pick you up in a little while." "OJ Simpson and Nicole Brown Simpson were dropping him off. Smooth didn't want to be at the Goldman's any more OJ was ribbing Goldman. Besides he heard something was happening at the school. There was a level of concern OJ said he didn't want to be there when it happened. I made an open field tackle on Robert Smith aka Robbie. A driving hard hit chest to chest. That's when the carnage began. I had felt a small rip along my butt. "Frazier your hurt stop playing." Then I wanted the ball I was challenged and accepted. The first hit was bone crushingly hard. Bosworth hit midsection with brutal force. I stood up and felt something move. Cody asked me if I was ok. I said yah. Then my intestines moved back in place. I walked back to the huddle, and the point had been explained. The girls watching the game asked for me to sit out of the game. "Nothing like Australia, is it?" "I'm staying in give me the f___ing football." The next hit almost ended the game I think both Bosworth and Bo hit me. One two in the biscuit. I got the Two Piece and a Biscuit. That's not how the bleeding started externally I noticed the feeling of blood about two hours later. I remember something and we decided I needed to head back to England. Prince Charles was notified after we were on our way. Maybe even before. We flew to get a couple kids I was probably going to die. Robbie laughed "yah, Fraz is not going to make it. We needed to just fly to England, but he wanted the kids with us." Smooth said, "is that your friend?" "I thought so. Let's just get to England now." I was asked by Prince Charles in the South Pacific if I could make it to England I said "yes." I knew I wasn't going to make it. They started a blood transfusion vein to vein. Herschel said he would give me blood so I could make it. Bosworth, Bo, Smooth and Herschel were on the plane. Smooth asked how we were doing. Herschel was getting weak and I could feel the blood running out of my body. He looked like he was sleep and wasn't answering any more like we thought he should. It was time to pull the plug Smooth asked if, I was sure. I replied, "were both dying." Tell Prince Charles I am sorry if I don't make it, I promised him I would die in England. I went to sleep. After removing the needle from our veins. Prince Charles said there was something to do with a valuable thing happening I need to be in England alive. I awoke to chest compressions. "Is Herschel ok? I think he died. I had to remove the needle he was bleeding to death." "He's back." I opened my eyes, and Prince Charles was standing there looking at me. "Are you able to make it to the hospital?" "I think so." The Black People (Lower-level lifestyle) had succeeded in getting rid of me. If only temporarily. "Did we save the money?" "Just lie there and stay alive." I wanted to scare the kids, and Prince Charles said it wasn't a good idea. I was covered with a sheet. I don't want this to be my kids last memory. "Blahh" scared the living sh__ out of them. Smooth said, "that's not funny." I felt blood running again a small puddle on the ground. Ok let's go. I told you it was a bad idea. The kids were laughing again "my Daddy got us!" Smooth "yah he's a laugh a minute." Like I said I am not sure which me that was. I thought about that yesterday on my way home from the Plasma Center. When It's your child you never want to pull the plug on helping them. On the way home I thought pulling the plug isn't the way you think always.
I will have to live with the way I think I pulled the plug on someone somewhere all the time. I haven't given plasma in 10 years. Had I pulled the plug then or did it happen when I said it would be next week before the next plasma draw for me? Has a father died. Would John Q have walked out of the plasma center? Hell no. How do you fight the system? How do you tell them their system is flawed? How do you tell them I have to give to be a dad my child who is dying? Why am I not at the hospital offering every option?
In the past few months, I have been told my vital signs are not a match for me to be able to give plasma. Out of sheer frustration I pull the plug. Today is not the day for me to give plasma. Maybe next week is not the way to do it if you have a sick child. When you are a parent at their bedside your health is their health. Forms of blood cancer are said to have no cure. You're sick and have remission but you are not healed. Having plasma infusions can improve the quality and length of life. What was John Q's problem at the center today? Heart rate. I walk 45 minutes to get to the plasma center at a brisk walk. I thought it would be good exercise it's an hour and a half twice a week minimum. My heart rate was 102 -103 at rest about 15 minutes after the walk. Normal at rest heartbeat is 60 to 100 beats per minute at rest. Over 100 beats per minute is tachycardia I think I am getting close to being told I am not healthy. If this continues, I will need a physicians release to give plasma. I am almost 60 years old, and two beats from normal and one step from the ER. I gave up cigarettes and booze. I couldn't get a woman in my health looks like I have to give up coffee and food. That's how you live forever.
www.aarp.org Moderate intensity Activities
Age Target Zone Maximum Heart Rate
45 years 88-149 Beats per Minute 175 bpm
50 years 85-145 bpm 170 bpm
55 years 83-140 bpm 165 bpm
60 years 80-136 bpm 160 bpm
65 years 78- 132 bpm 155 bpm
70 years 75- 128 bpm 150 bpm
In life I have found that there are one on one fights. When you don't want to fight the fight everywhere; a part of you dies. I was told by when I was younger. A foul fights everywhere, a man chooses his battles. You can't fight medical vital signs. When you start fighting the medical advice, or information given by medical professionals you no longer need their advice or treatment. I gave organ tissue for research and my children in the future. I was in England. If the tissue could be grown or kept for transplant in the future a tissue sample was harvested. The life that would die I began to think is the father that isn't able to give plasma anymore or as often as needed to sustain the life. I have heard stories of donors only being to able give twice a week and the patient needs four or more infusions a week. How do you pull the plug without a part of you dying. Pulling the plug means not donating four days week. I would explain to Denzel Washington's character John Q. I might die trying. In two days, you're ok to donate. You don't have the luxury of time to play the game. Don't tell me I can't save my child before taking the vital signs. A part of me will die before I stop breathing and my heart stops beating. Herschel was not happy when he woke up and the IV (Intravenous Access) was out. He said it to me before I fell asleep. I would have taken that chance. Ok, but now you don't have too.
The story is not over.
By Darren Dwayne Frazier